From roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com Mon Sep 11 03:42:45 2006 Received: from mail.rootsweb.com (mail.rootsweb.com [192.168.65.34]) by admin.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id k8B9gjjb011275; Mon, 11 Sep 2006 03:42:45 -0600 Received: from roots-l.rootsweb.com (roots-l.rootsweb.com [66.43.16.22]) by mail.rootsweb.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with ESMTP id k8B9gi1v031793 for ; Mon, 11 Sep 2006 03:42:44 -0600 Received: from roots-l.rootsweb.com (roots-l [127.0.0.1]) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.10) with ESMTP id k8B71VFI014171 for ; Mon, 11 Sep 2006 03:01:31 -0400 Received: (from roots-in@localhost) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.8/Submit) id k8B71V0N014170 for roots-approved@rootsweb.com; Mon, 11 Sep 2006 03:01:31 -0400 Received: from lists5.rootsweb.com (lists5.rootsweb.com [66.43.27.41]) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.10) with SMTP id k8B2qmFI013611 for ; Sun, 10 Sep 2006 22:52:48 -0400 Received: (from slist@localhost) by lists5.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) id k8B5XoSM001149 for roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com; Sun, 10 Sep 2006 23:33:50 -0600 X-Envelope-From: huggins_huggins@yahoo.com Sun Sep 10 23:33:50 2006 Received: from mail.rootsweb.com (mail.rootsweb.com [192.168.65.34]) by admin.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id k8B5Xojb001140 for ; Sun, 10 Sep 2006 23:33:50 -0600 Received: from web51809.mail.yahoo.com (web51809.mail.yahoo.com [206.190.38.240]) by mail.rootsweb.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with SMTP id k8B5Xkix005384 for ; Sun, 10 Sep 2006 23:33:47 -0600 Received: (qmail 28015 invoked by uid 60001); 11 Sep 2006 05:07:03 -0000 DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; q=dns; c=nofws; s=s1024; d=yahoo.com; h=Message-ID:Received:Date:From:Subject:To:In-Reply-To:MIME-Version:Content-Type:Content-Transfer-Encoding; b=TZxQhwOp9RC8CpnnC+OSeSvkRDs4QvzVJCtuzgcCAgSLQ9+XW6WqcoruyLEi1I1Ibcn1vfiPrAr6wfs+zlb/2gGPOT0O1qt1ACxqDgm/rC/3Um6A7QFiT0JWu35oT6AE8YiBkvHKPFGYQHoLwJnqQLhxauUn/U0Y63nic7bR7Ck= ; Message-ID: <20060911050703.28013.qmail@web51809.mail.yahoo.com> Received: from [71.121.16.112] by web51809.mail.yahoo.com via HTTP; Sun, 10 Sep 2006 22:07:03 PDT Date: Sun, 10 Sep 2006 22:07:03 -0700 (PDT) From: huggins huggins Subject: Re: [ROOTS-L] Why won't cousins talk to me? To: ROOTS-M@rootsweb.com In-Reply-To: <008201c6d533$76d29b40$71822340@eozfaqvf> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.52 on 192.168.65.34 X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.52 on 192.168.65.34 Sender: roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com Since others have posted about their experiences in contacting cousins, I thought I'd toss in my 2 cents. I've written about some of this previously so I apologize if it sounds familiar. I "found" an aunt and cousin who live in Ohio. (I found them via Intellius.com) I talked with them by phone (they didn't have a computer) and was thrilled to get (and give) all sorts of family info. I felt sorry for them because they told me what a poor (financial-wise) life they've lived. No running water in their home, etc. I'm not rich but, in one year, I gave them thousands of dollars in cash and gifts (mostly cash). I even bought them a computer and paid for 1 year of Earthlink. I never expected them to kiss my you-know-what but I (finally) noticed they didn't say thank you or even let me know when they received something from me. What I gave, I gave because my heart went out to them and I hated thinking of my mother's sister having such a sad life. I just wanted my aunt's last years to be more comfortable - her health hasn't been good. About 8 months after we found each other, her no-account son asked me for $75. (He's over 40 years old and lives with her and has never worked; he says his job is to watch over his mom). I asked why he needed the money because I had just sent them over $200. He said he wanted it to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring! His girlfriend was married (but separated), on government assistance and had 2 children under age 5. They had been dating for almost a month and he wanted to marry her! It didn't take me very long to realize I was funding his courtship. He and my aunt had been asking for more money over the past few weeks yet they were always broke. I asked what would happen if he married - where would they all live? He said right there with his mother! Needless to say, I turned him down. I didn't say it but there was NO WAY that I was going to support her and her 2 kids! That $75 was just a beginning, I'm sure. After that, my relationship with them was never the same. They still asked for money and things but wouldn't ask me directly - instead, my aunt would ask her sister (from WV) to tell me what they wanted. ("Tell her I'd like more of those Omaha steaks", etc.) The last straw was when I was told that my aunt needed $200 for medication. My WV aunt said she had been told there was $200 in meds at the pharmacy waiting for payment. I had a bad feeling so I called the pharmacy directly. If there really was $200 in meds there, I would have paid for them because it just kills me to think of people needing meds but not being able to afford them. I'd discussed this with my aunt many times over the months. It turned out there were no meds being held for her at her pharmacy. She had lied to me. Later, my WV aunt confirmed it was a lie - she had confronted my Ohio aunt, who admitted it. They had just wanted more money. I haven't talked to my Ohio aunt/cousin since then. (It's been about 5 months). I told my WV aunt I'm too hurt and angry to be thought of as a bank instead of family. She told my aunt and cousin. For several months, I didn't hear from them. Then I discovered phone calls on my answering machine from my Ohio aunt, saying she needed more money. No "I'm sorry" - just "I want money." I didn't return her calls. Later, I found out they had sold most of the gifts I had sent to them, including the computer. Last week, the no-account cousin called. His message said, "I want another phone card - can you send it?" No "please" or "thank you", much less "I'm sorry." Since then, I've "met" some other cousins online. While I'm happy to share family info, I no longer offer financial help. -dee Previously known as "Sucker" __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com