From roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com Fri Mar 10 21:53:53 2006 Received: from mail.rootsweb.com (mail.rootsweb.com [192.168.65.34]) by admin.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id k2B4rrjb000672; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 21:53:53 -0700 Received: from roots-l.rootsweb.com (roots-l.rootsweb.com [66.43.16.22]) by mail.rootsweb.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with ESMTP id k2B4rpR7029326 for ; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 21:53:52 -0700 Received: from roots-l.rootsweb.com (roots-l [127.0.0.1]) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.10) with ESMTP id k2B2NYFI022052 for ; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 21:23:34 -0500 Received: (from roots-in@localhost) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.8/Submit) id k2B2NYsC022051 for roots-approved@rootsweb.com; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 21:23:34 -0500 Received: from lists5.rootsweb.com (lists5.rootsweb.com [66.43.27.41]) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.10) with SMTP id k2B1lOFI021906 for ; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 20:47:25 -0500 Received: (from slist@localhost) by lists5.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) id k2B4HVPo022373 for roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 21:17:31 -0700 X-Envelope-From: GenBrd@aol.com Fri Mar 10 21:17:31 2006 Received: from mail.rootsweb.com (mail.rootsweb.com [192.168.65.34]) by admin.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id k2B4HVjb022362 for ; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 21:17:31 -0700 Received: from imo-m23.mail.aol.com (imo-m23.mx.aol.com [64.12.137.4]) by mail.rootsweb.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with ESMTP id k2B4HU85010867 for ; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 21:17:30 -0700 Received: from GenBrd@aol.com by imo-m23.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v38_r7.3.) id e.227.7a8f07b (2168) for ; Fri, 10 Mar 2006 23:17:20 -0500 (EST) From: GenBrd@aol.com Message-ID: <227.7a8f07b.3143a950@aol.com> Date: Fri, 10 Mar 2006 23:17:20 EST To: ROOTS-L@rootsweb.com MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" X-Mailer: 9.0 Security Edition for Windows sub 2340 X-Spam-Flag: NO X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.52 on 192.168.65.34 X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.52 on 192.168.65.34 Sender: roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com Subject: [ROOTS-L] Child born out of wedlock All families today have to deal with this issue, whether it be in the past or in the present. As genealogists we have a responsibility to record things as they are. However, we also must maintain a true sensitivity to those persons that are affected by this event. My father was born to my grandmother when she was 18, the victim of a molestation by a relative (not blood thankfully). As much as she fiercely loved my father, he was also her shame. She did many things throughout life to not have to face the true fact of his birth and somehow thinking she could hide it. When my father was 3 years old my grandmother married the wonderful man that will forever be considered my grandfather. A man who from that date said "this is my son" to anyone that asked. However, we do know the name of my biological grandfather who remained a part of the family until his death when I was a small child. I have vague memories of him but had no clue that he was really my grandfather. When I began genealogy my father told me that I could do all the research I needed, he would answer my questions and he would help with my searching in the small towns of his childhood, but he asked that I make nothing public until after he was dead. He said then there would be nobody to be hurt. So out of respect for him I have followed that request, he died last September and I am not sure when I will feel comfortable making things public. My point is that you need to remember we are talking about people's lives and that there are things that may hurt others by being made public. As far as recording that information. Because my father is not the only "mixed up" relationship in my database that goes back to the 16th century, I use The Master Genealogist. This program lets you record names and events without limit, and you can explain every detail as much as you wish - there is no space limitation. I can list my father with both fathers and include both of their family lines. Yes, genetically there is only one line that is genealogically correct, that is the line of my biological grandfather. However, genealogy is about people. And people are about relationships. So as long as I am not recording simply names and dates, I must include the man who raised my father and whose name was my own. Both of those men have relationships in our fmily and they will both be recorded - but with detailed explanation. Jo H