From roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com Mon Mar 6 07:57:08 2006 Received: from mail.rootsweb.com (mail.rootsweb.com [192.168.65.34]) by admin.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id k26Ev8jb002236; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 07:57:08 -0700 Received: from roots-l.rootsweb.com (roots-l.rootsweb.com [66.43.16.22]) by mail.rootsweb.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with ESMTP id k26Ev6ha016528 for ; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 07:57:06 -0700 Received: from roots-l.rootsweb.com (roots-l [127.0.0.1]) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.10) with ESMTP id k26CR4FI024758 for ; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 07:27:04 -0500 Received: (from roots-in@localhost) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.8/Submit) id k26CR4gV024757 for roots-approved@rootsweb.com; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 07:27:04 -0500 Received: from lists5.rootsweb.com (lists5.rootsweb.com [66.43.27.41]) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.10) with SMTP id k267qYFI023705 for ; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 02:52:34 -0500 Received: (from slist@localhost) by lists5.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) id k26AMPn8026012 for roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 03:22:25 -0700 X-Envelope-From: treviawbeverly@houston.rr.com Mon Mar 6 03:22:25 2006 Received: from mail.rootsweb.com (mail.rootsweb.com [192.168.65.34]) by admin.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id k26AMPjb026003 for ; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 03:22:25 -0700 Received: from ms-smtp-01-eri0.texas.rr.com (ms-smtp-01.texas.rr.com [24.93.47.40]) by mail.rootsweb.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with ESMTP id k26AMNcR012621 for ; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 03:22:24 -0700 Received: from oemcomputer (cpe-24-175-91-92.houston.res.rr.com [24.175.91.92]) by ms-smtp-01-eri0.texas.rr.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with SMTP id k26AMM0U011657; Mon, 6 Mar 2006 04:22:22 -0600 (CST) Message-ID: <002901c64108$521ffe10$6401a8c0@oemcomputer> From: "Trevia W Beverly" To: , References: <291.6b04715.313c799b@aol.com> Subject: Re: [ROOTS-L] Family Secrets Date: Mon, 6 Mar 2006 04:25:41 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1506 X-MIMEOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1506 X-Virus-Scanned: Symantec AntiVirus Scan Engine X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.52 on 192.168.65.34 X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.52 on 192.168.65.34 Sender: roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com Jan, Sometimes hard to call. And sometimes after years & years, the story heard turns out NOT to be true as current research has just revealed in one of our 'family secrets.' However, all are long dead so it really does not matter now. This seems a bit different. Your mother received the letter 25 years ago; is she still living? If she is, I'd ask her permission to tell the young woman who was asking - if you know how to reach her. If your mother is not still living, and you know how to reach her I'd make an approach ... maybe not 'spill the beans' right off the bat. But obviously the granddaughter is/was asking for true information ... and the thing now is that her children and grandchildren may need to know for medical history if nothing else. And if she was interested enough in her family history to have discovered the birth/marriage, then I think she will want to know -- For myself, I'd be telling ... but only her, and she would be the one passing the information on to her descendants. But I'd probably also ask her if it was o.k. to put the true information in the family history so that it would be there for others to know their true heritage. And I'm betting she will say yes. We cannot be responsible for what those who went before us did --- not what those who come after us will do. We can only answer for ourselves each day. Just one opinion - Trevia Wooster Beverly Houston, Texas ----- Original Message ----- From: To: Sent: Sunday, March 05, 2006 11:27 AM Subject: [ROOTS-L] Family Secrets > For most of us, we will uncover an ancestor/ancestress at some point in time > whose parents were not married when he/she was born - and the mother did not > marry the birth father which often lead to "cover-ups" of the true parentage. > > For me, genealogy is the pursuit of tracing a blood line - no matter where it > takes me. The question then becomes when should someone reveal the "truth." > > > Case in point- Ny great uncle fell in love and wanted to marry a young > woman whose brother and sister were married to my great uncle's sister and > brother. His mother absolutely forbade another inter- marriage (early 1900s) and > they abandoned their plans for marriage. However, they continued to "see" each > other in secret liasons, the outcome was a pregnancy. The pregnancy was > kept secret until the birth was imminent and, the day following the birth of > their daughter, the young woman was married off to her father's hired farm hand > who was a Canadian national. Shortly thereafter, he was drafted into > service for WW 1 and was killed but the child was brought up as a child of the > Canadian and the young woman - no one in the small village ever revealed the truth. > > About 25 years ago, my mother received a letter from the granddaughter of > this union asking if my mother could explain why her grandparents were married > the day after her mother was born. Even though all of the people involved were > dead, my mother refused to tell her the truth. On the other hand, if she > had written to me, I would have told her the truth and the sad and yet romantic > story of unfulfilled love. I would have not felt anyone would be hurt by the > truth and, for this young woman, she had a right to know what her true > ancestry was. > > Bottom line - is there ever a point in time when it is justifiable to reveal > the truth on a couple who produced a child out of wedlock? > > Jan