From roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com Fri Aug 11 11:22:20 2006 Received: from mail.rootsweb.com (mail.rootsweb.com [192.168.65.34]) by admin.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id k7BHMKjb022789; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 11:22:20 -0600 Received: from roots-l.rootsweb.com (roots-l.rootsweb.com [66.43.16.22]) by mail.rootsweb.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with ESMTP id k7BHMKU0031167 for ; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 11:22:20 -0600 Received: from roots-l.rootsweb.com (roots-l [127.0.0.1]) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.10) with ESMTP id k7BEgsFI028495 for ; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 10:42:54 -0400 Received: (from roots-in@localhost) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.8/Submit) id k7BEgsvx028494 for roots-approved@rootsweb.com; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 10:42:54 -0400 Received: from lists5.rootsweb.com (lists5.rootsweb.com [66.43.27.41]) by roots-l.rootsweb.com (8.12.10/8.12.10) with SMTP id k7BAiMFI027971 for ; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 06:44:22 -0400 Received: (from slist@localhost) by lists5.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) id k7BDNbCx005868 for roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 07:23:37 -0600 X-Envelope-From: denchief@earthlink.net Fri Aug 11 07:23:37 2006 Received: from mail.rootsweb.com (mail.rootsweb.com [192.168.65.34]) by admin.rootsweb.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id k7BDNbjb005859 for ; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 07:23:37 -0600 Received: from pop-tawny.atl.sa.earthlink.net (pop-tawny.atl.sa.earthlink.net [207.69.195.67]) by mail.rootsweb.com (8.13.4/8.13.4) with ESMTP id k7BDNXiZ025914 for ; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 07:23:34 -0600 Received: from dialup-4.236.150.102.dial1.newyork1.level3.net ([4.236.150.102] helo=earthlink.net) by pop-tawny.atl.sa.earthlink.net with smtp (Exim 3.36 #1) id 1GBWz7-0005H9-00 for ROOTS-L@rootsweb.com; Fri, 11 Aug 2006 09:23:34 -0400 Message-ID: <4120068511132328546@earthlink.net> X-EM-Version: 5, 0, 0, 0 X-EM-Registration: #3003520714B31D032830 X-Priority: Reply-To: denchief@earthlink.net X-Mailer: EarthLink MailBox 5.0.7.9 (Windows) From: "P. Theresa Pawlowski" To: "ROOTS-L" Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2006 9:23:28 -0400 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII X-Spam-Score: 2.902 (**) BAYES_00,FORGED_RCVD_HELO,INVALID_DATE X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.52 on 192.168.65.34 X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.52 on 192.168.65.34 Sender: roots-in@roots-l.rootsweb.com Subject: [ROOTS-L] Adoption Question Here is my two or three cents worth... You are never going to know ahead of time how these two women would take the news, whether they know they are adopted, or any of that. If you tell them, they might not even be able to say initially how they feel. This can't be predicted. You also can't know if they ever searched. Not everyone is good at this sort of thing, not everyone knows how to get started, and they may have assumed it would require a PI and plenty of money. Just because they haven't found you is no proof that they have rejected the idea of you finding them. I found the Sister of a family friend who died in WWII - she is in her nineties. I was able to contact her daughter, and we shared information. It was, as far as I can tell, beneficial to both of us. Because she was so elderly and might be frail, I was hesitant to contact her directly, but this worked out nicely. I don't think that, in this day and age, 60 or even 70 is all that old. The chances are good that they are in reasonably good health and could stand the news. Do you have any medical conditions in the family that these women or their children should be aware of? If so, then you probably ought to find them if you can, whether they end up liking it or not. I think that you are hesitant to put their names out and about in concern for their privacy, and that is certainly an issue. However, there is a certain amount of tracing you can do without necessarily saying why you need that particular bit of information, and that is probably ok, in my opinion. If I were them, would I want to know? Yes. Will you know if they would like to know? No. However, it seems to me that you are a sensitive person approaching this with respect for them, and that ought to mean something both in how you go about the search, and how they receive it. If I were you, I would try to find them. If I had to use their names, as in "Does anyone know So-and-so of Smalltown, Iowa," I would not say why I want to find them. I certainly don't think trying to find them would be immoral. Theresa To doubt is to destroy. To believe is to create. I believe, I believe, I believe. - Ray Bradbury